Demons within…

It’s been 2 hrs since I laid down ready to let sleep creep in and take me away… But… Nothing…absolutely nothing. 

I suppose it will be another sleepless night, haunted by millions of thoughts running wild in my mind. I’m not sure which ones worse, the insomnia, anxiety or the depression. They are all nightmares, but all of them together, it’s just hell. 

Firstly, the anxiety make you worry about everything, but the depression it’s like you don’t want to care about any of it. Then along comes insomnia, giving a place and time for the both of them battle it out, and it’s exhausting.

Right now I hate myself, really hate myself. My partner lays next to me and all I can think about is why is he there?.. With me? 

I’m lost. I feel alone even though my whole family is currently under the same roof,there are 8 of us, and I’m still so so alone. 

I’m getting married in October, I should feel so happy, but all I do is worry about the day, and what if something goes wrong, what if I do something wrong, then we get to the dreaded stress of money. 

My little girl is 5 months old now, and I love her more than anything, but I constantly feel like I’m doing a bad job. What if I’m doing something wrong, how will I know?

I lay here writing down my thoughts in a hope they might leave my mind and let me sleep for even just an hour.

I feel like I’m going crazy. I’m sad, anxious and tired all the time I don’t know what to do anymore.

I will try shut my eyes again, hopefully sleep can take me away, please just for a little while.

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